Support, Empathy & Truth: On Borderline Personality Disorder, Fascism & Antifa

My husband says goodbye prior to a rally

I have started and re-started a detailed post about my view of antifa, a loosely organized and widespread group of antifascist anarchists. As I describe in my previous post, I have marched alongside antifa. I have found them at that event, and others following, to be a far cry from dangerous to the general public. In fact, my experience is that people identifying as antifa take specific measures to keep people safe and that this is done in accordance with their principles, not as a publicity stunt.

With this in mind, I've found much of the conventional, social and fringe media's coverage of antifa troubling. I agree with assertions that antifa's willingness to use violence, alongside its broad parameters for identifying a potential fascist threat and its emphasis on protest over policies are inherently problematic. However, I disagree heavily with the way much of contemporary media has placed more attention on criticizing antifa's methods than on understanding their motivation. In my opinion, it is both counter-productive and dangerous to marginalize and/or condemn antifa's efforts in this way. This insight takes root in my personal observation that both sides of the fascists/antifa struggle exhibit signs of borderline personality disorder, which I have come to intimately understand via both academic study and my direct experience living with, loving and working alongside borderline people.

Borderline personality disorder happens when children who are born with sensory processing and integration differences (either mild or severe) grow up within a home which invalidates their life experience either through benign but consistent neglect or through deliberate, consistent physical and/or verbal abuse. Within relatively healthy environments, sensory processing and integration differences look like anything from learning disabilities, to ADD/ADHD, to OCD, to anxiety, to depression, to autism—all of which require their own level of understanding and care. However, within neglectful or abusive environments, children with sensory processing and integration differences also become hard-wired to be borderline—which is clinically characterized by extreme emotional responses, intense fear of abandonment, self harm, a tendency toward black or white thinking (which leads in turn to the intense idealization or demonization of people or groups), and periods of intense disassociation from reality.

Once wired to be borderline, there is not a chemical fix to the imbalance. The brain has to be re-wired, and the process takes dedication and time either from unusually committed therapists, unusually committed family members, or both. In order for the re-wiring to occur, borderline people have to fully express their truths to the extent that THEY FEEL heard. This often means that they are permitted to absolutely unleash waves of intense verbal rage, condemnation and manipulative rhetoric onto the people around them until they feel their point is made. Then, they must be met with support, empathy and a firm but gently issued statement of truth which recognizes any realistic core of what they've unleashed as well as everything which was grossly out of touch. This must be repeated over time with understanding and persistence. In response, borderline people eventually re-wire themselves and become healthy people who firmly break some seriously destructive family cycles.

A commitment to healing is not singular. It requires intense collaboration, persistence and understanding both on part of the borderline himself/herself, on the family members and on the therapists who all must be extraordinarily grounded in their sense of self so as not to suffer their own severe breakdowns in the face of the borderline's emotional outbursts. Statistically, most people walk away from borderlines for their own self preservation. Often, they walk away condemning the borderline, preaching that they could have done more had the borderline simply been able to “suck it up, take responsibility for his/her life and stop spewing abuse and playing the victim.” That line (suck it up, take responsibility, stop playing the victim) can be good for a borderline person to hear if it is said in an atmosphere which continues to offer actual support. However, I rarely hear it issued under those circumstances. It isn't “good old fashioned tough love and telling it like it is” as many moderate and popular conservative thought leaders seem to spin it. It is a self-protective measure which perpetuates an unpopular pathology currently pervasive in America and showing itself in the current fascists/antifa extremes.

What I think the response to antifa should be is public support, empathy and truth—in that order. That is an important step along the path to healing a culture of abuse, which strikes me as a core issue right now. Transcending humanity's violent tendencies does not heal their source. Participating with and/or encouraging antifa certainly doesn't either when that is all a person does. However, it does play an important role, and I feel it should be viewed as such.

In context, I feel antifa comes at the beginning of our culture's healing process. It represents the crash and catharsis which ultimately empowers the public to fight diplomatically for lasting change. It also allows people more aligned with fascism an opportunity to see their aggression reflected and to re-consider their own views. In my opinion, people who fall far on the side of fascism are those whose response to abuse has been to consciously perpetuate it. After spending formative years consistently condemned for being OTHER, legitimizing the abuse and claiming it as one's own returns a sense of purpose to the former victims' lives. Meanwhile, antifa strike me more as people who have realized there is nothing innately wrong or unnatural about being OTHER. For them, their life experience is validated by confronting their abusers head on.

The support I'm calling for from the public would ideally be directed toward each side. It would need to recognize that the fascist side legitimately feels as though it has been abandoned by a culture which has relatively steadily evolved to meet increasing needs of women, people of color and other former minority groups at the same time that financial crisis has meant a dramatic reduction in income and available jobs. It would also need to recognize that the antifa side legitimately feels as though it has been abandoned by a small but powerful sector of society which will do anything it can to blot out the existence of everyone with a different ideology than it. Empathizing with each side would mean recognizing that each is authentically afraid and has the best interests of humanity, as each side perceives it to be, at heart. Empathy also means avoiding the aforementioned and seemingly all to common pitfall of invalidating each side by acting as though their struggles are not real, can be remedied by some hardcore self-work, or should be met only with gratitude that circumstances are not worse.

With that in mind, I want to close with some truths which feel central to this struggle and stand out most to me right now. Some are verifiable, measurable objective facts. Others are observational and more personal in nature. I recognize the difference between the two and feel it's important for me right now to share both:

• Cultures have enslaved and abused each other throughout the whole of human history. However, everyone's ability to claim this heritage does not exempt us from taking responsibility for our present acts of oppression.
• While the United States of America does offer extensive opportunities to people of all backgrounds, it also breaks records for imprisoning its population, and the severity of consequences for the same crimes varies widely across racial, gender and class lines, with a heavy bias against lower class women of color.
• It is the privilege and duty on American citizens to vote to change laws which do not reflect justice, and there are several reputable studies on the drug war which demonstrate that it is extremely unjust.
• The United States and other global super powers wage wars purported to fight terrorism which focus more on the security of territories and the natural resources they contain, which in turn are exploited to the detriment of people and the planet.
• Militarized police forces often escalate circumstances to points of violence which lead to divisiveness and erode trust.
• Dogmatic teachings which have repressed the rights of women, people of color and a wide variety of non-conforming individuals are eroding despite opposition to change. As this happens and new social norms are established, there are a variety of approaches our society can take which have unique consequences.
• How we express ourselves – be it in the form of active protest, petitions, spending choices, journalism, or the creative arts is very important to both revealing and shaping the direction of our culture. By all means, we must use our voices. We also must remain aware that how and when we express ourselves makes a statement of its own and always merits a response of some sort.
• Our economy, education system, health care system and justice system have changed in response to a number of global factors, and there are multiple directions these can take in the future which all bear attention right now. Generation X, Xennials and Millenials are not simply re-waging their parents cultural wars but rather making unique contributions to human history.
• Making uniform assumptions about ANY group holds inherent danger. Being overly cautious of what one says can also cripple our self expression. Fortunately, humans are capable of expressing a wide variety of views and objectively analyzing these to form more balanced perspectives over time.
• We are all going to be drawn to different aspects of the cultural revolution unfolding around us. We will accomplish more from recognizing and respecting this than from fighting it. We owe it to ourselves to do our individual parts well and to allow others room to do the same.

As that last point is concerned, writing this essay has been one of my parts. I appreciate the people who have inspired me through their unique brand of opposition and support. Additionally, an excellent resource for understanding borderline personality disorder is the book I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, linked here. Detailed information on the war on drugs and incarceration rates in the USA can be found here and here on sites for the Drug Policy Alliance and the Center for Prison Reform. 

As I wrote after reviewing a Drug Policy Alliance conference in April, I still believe love wins in the end. However, love itself, in my opinion, defies easy definitions and requires its own dedication to understanding and perseverance over time as it leads us all, not above and beyond our pain, but rather through it.

Re-Dreaming America (Thoughts on Charlottesville & Atlanta Anti-Fascist Rally)

My Children & I at Sunday's Rally

There is a lot happening in America right now. I think this is true on any given day. However, it feels increasingly like we are taking solid steps to create a significant cultural shift. We are revisiting ideals of civil rights explored and exploded in the sixties in a way which has the potential to create solid and lasting change. This is not to say that changes of the sixties were not solid. Yet, I grew up in 80s and 90s America with the distinct feeling that, as soon as we'd ended overt segregation, welcomed women in the work force, allowed evolution into science classes and cleared the path for divorce and abortion, people with a mind to fight for human rights kind of leaned back on their laurels and coasted through a psychedelic revolution, which ended in either destructive chaos or complacent retreat into the comfort of the American Dream, which looked a lot like having 2 children, stable employment, a picket fence and a dog. The common refrain through all this seemed to be something like: Embrace your uniqueness and live your dreams as long as they do not upset the status quo in any major way. Everyone is entitled to a good life, but nothing is perfect. Make the most of the America you have. It's better than it used to be! Work hard enough, and anyone can go far.

Around the time my generation of Xennials graduated from high school, the twin towers fell, and our adult lives took root in a time of war. We learned through direct experience that employment and benefits are not guaranteed for any of us by virtue of skill, social status, determination or education. It feels like this has meant clinging more tightly to how we self-identify apart from our professional titles. At best, this means taking time to explore our individual authentic selves and to flourish in creative endeavors unique to us. At worst, this means clinging so tightly to cultural identifiers—like race and religion—that we become a violent force stopping at literally nothing to exert the power of our identity at the absolute expense of all others.

My Rally Cry

A limited number of extremist views can exist within, and contribute to, the balance of a healthy society. However, when an extremist position moves into the mainstream, balance becomes offset in critical ways which deeply endanger the existence of any group. In my opinion ,American culture has been normalizing extremes long enough that it is now in critical condition and showing symptoms.

Donald Trump's presidency is a symptom.

Police brutality is a symptom.

The recent violence within Virginia is a symptom.

In particular, the death and injuries left in the wake of a white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, represent both the prevalence of racism and of the propensity to de-humanize anyone who holds a different world view. Specifically, I'm talking here about the white domestic terrorist's ability to de-humanize the people he deliberately struck with his vehicle when he drove into a crowd of people who disagreed with his assertions of white supremacy and radical nationalism.

Meanwhile, I also recognize that white supremacists, radical nationalists and neo-Nazis of all stripes can make the claim that they too are being dehumanized by Antifa and others who explicitly condemn their actions. To this I say, white supremacists are not being de-humanized when they are being held accountable. Accountability can look many different ways. Personally, I disagree with those who say accountability is eye-for-an-eye condemnation. However, I also disagree with those who say accountability looks like prayerful peace. And, if I have come down squarely on one side or another, I'll stand with the Antifa crowd before I'll stand against it.

My Husband & Daughter

Accountability requires direct action: Sometimes that is marching in solidarity with others against violence, shouting with the beat of a drum that you do not accept what supremacy has done and that you are not afraid. Sometimes accountability looks like hacking a website and exposing the personal details of closeted supremacists. Sometimes accountability looks like removing or re-purposing artwork and monuments designed to celebrate historical victories which have come to look a lot like fascism.

Accountability can be as simple as signing petitions and labeling white supremacists as domestic terrorists when you speak about their actions. It can also be as complicated as dismantling and re-assembling the very systems at the bedrock of society which have allowed covert forms of extremist ideology to become the status quo. One of these systems is the prison-industrial complex. Connected to that, is the war on drugs. Revolution in these areas will do a lot to end racial profiling, modern day slavery and the stereotypes which accompany these practices now. Another system in need of changing is that which allows politicians to buy their power and to bow without consequence to industries, like oil, which threaten the survival of our species by ravaging our land.

Linked to these systems needing change are abstract concepts connecting the mind, body and spirit of society as a whole. Specifically, our view toward religion, science, art, philosophy, education, gender, race, relationships, work, money, neurological divergence (including mental illness), drugs, morality, healthcare, technology, capitalism, heritage and identity itself are due for an upgrade, so to speak. We use these ideas to create stories which communicate the shared values and goals of our culture, and many of the current stories have devolved (or are presently devolving) into dogma, which harms all of us by enforcing stigma rather than honoring our inherent humanity and all its unknowns.

Contributing directly to dismantling destructive human systems while shifting cultural norms to reflect and contextualize this restructuring is a goal of my personal activism. I write and teach to educate, introduce new ideas and spark discussion bringing about actual change. Sometimes, I also boycott, sign petitions, make calls and march. Sometimes I do this alone. Other times, I include my children. To a degree, I feel their long-term well-being relies on exposing them to current social issues, showing them firsthand the circumstances their generation will have to collaborate with my generation to change. I also want them to see that, when something happens to directly counter my personal morality and threaten what it means to exist within a country I do love despite its glaring faults, I take direct action to voice my dissent and to draw awareness to the need for change—even if imperfectly.

To this end, my family participated as a group in one of Atlanta, Georgia's, recent rallies against racism. It began before sunset at Woodruff Park on Sunday, August 13. Activists gathered on a pavilion, behind a memorial to the victims of the Charlottesville violence, and spoke about the need to combat hate with more than love alone. There was an open mic to the public, and my 9-year-old daughter spoke. Her focus was, arguably, the importance of love across race lines, yet the crowd did accept her warmly despite some differences in rhetoric. I felt very proud as a mother that she was brave enough to share her voice. For me, showing up at the rally was equivalent to what I wrote on her poster (pictured to the right): Our presence there meant we stand with C'ville, which in turn means we support a better way for all people to exist together. It is, in my opinion, not a time to defend or destroy our collective history but rather to acknowledge, as objectively as possible, who we have been, while creating new stories about who we are and will become.

After the rally, the crowd departed Woodruff Park in downtown Atlanta with signs and flags held high, marching to the beat of drums. We shouted chants—against Trump, against supremacy, against hate, for democracy and the power of the people. My 6-year-old alternated between walking himself, resting in my arms and riding atop my husband's shoulders. My 9-year-old walked boldly forward the whole way, her poster in her hands, but felt exhausted by the time we reached the destination at Piedmont Park. There, the crowd gathered around a statue, representing peace at the end of the Civil War, which the march's leaders adorned with chains and some streaks of red paint. It seemed the intention may have been to pull the statue down; however, a piece fell off injuring two demonstrators. A few marchers, my husband included, circled around the monument and the injured leaders, as one lone police officer joined the scene and announced quietly that no arrests would be made provided that the statue remain standing. The statue stood. No arrests were made. The crowd dispersed.

Talking to the Press, Outside Piedmont Park

By the time the vandalism had started, I had already walked my children to the sidelines of the event. Marching itself had felt empowering and focused in a way I hadn't experienced even at the Women's March on Washington, DC, but the energy upon arriving within Piedmont Park felt different than the energy on the journey there. I commend Atlanta as a city for the total lack of violence Sunday. I also commend the demonstrators for knowing when to evaluate the circumstances, make a sound judgment call and stand down. However, it does strike me as a bit bizarre that the targeted monument was one representing peace.

After much consideration, I feel the value of vandalizing that specific monument was to show that the peace and progress brought about by the end of the Civil War has been an illusion. In this case, the chains and red paint symbolize the pain, bloodshed and institutionalized prison-based slavery which continues in the present day and will no longer be complacently accepted. This is an important message, to be certain. It also symbolizes the willingness of the Antifa and its supporters to fight, if necessary, for the freedom of all groups oppressed by a society which continues to normalize extreme prejudice. Perhaps these metaphors could have been better expressed via some radical performance art or via the creation of an entirely new structure giving voice directly to our contemporary concerns. However, those projects may be better realized somewhere along the horizon. Change has to start somewhere, and I feel the positive impact of what we asserted on Sunday in Atlanta exceeds the negative. I'm honored to have been there.

As the future unfolds with more supremacist rallies and counter protests to come, I know I will attend some anti-fascist demonstrations and sit out others. However, I'm undeniably struck by the importance of art to the rising revolution. What we all create and boldly share has value now. Thank you for reading my stories. In the video below, my daughter and I speak.