Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Adieu. (from the light of the San Francisco Bay)

Me @ the Oakland Airport, where I drafted this post

I began this blog after having an experience with Ayahuasca.

Within that first journey, I understood that I needed to write more poetry as a means of communing with my soul. I also realized that I needed to take my work as an essayist seriously. I sensed it would be my source of income moving forward. I also felt a deep sense of appreciation for my relationship with my husband--while simultaneously understanding, and beginning the process of accepting, the deep truth that our marriage was most likely unsustainable long term. Related to this, I felt the importance of following my own intuition regarding my physical and psychological health, as well as my spiritual well being. I knew that remaining compassionate for others, while authentic with myself, was a skill I'd need to practice and honor in a way I had never before. Finally, I understood this process would take time and would be best lived through by focusing on each moment as it came--both open to its influence and grounded within a sense of my own truth.

Over five years have passed since that journey.

I am now moving through my divorce, stepping away from the leadership of my instrument company, embracing my role as a professional writer and attempting to care for myself and children in a healthier way than I have in the past. It's a slow, emotionally complex process, intensified by the fact that I am also on a journey with breast cancer, in its very early stages.

I am grateful for my marriage, and I am grateful for my husband's support of my freedom. I am grateful for all friends and family who have held space for me and my children as we've been processing trauma and moving into a space of gratitude and peace. I am also grateful for my caregivers at the clinic ACPM and for all the connections I've made on my recent travels through Las Vegas, Sacramento, Portland and Oakland.

With this post, I am retiring this blog.

Some of my best posts, and my NORML Mom series, will be available via My other writing will be available via my portfolio site Finally, I'm actively seeking supporters for my imprint BAMF Books, from which my full length poetry collection, Cancer, Or Something Like It, is forthcoming. Additional anticipated collections include Tales from the Deep and Dark Swallow. 

I'm going to conclude with a photo essay which fills in the gaps between the last months of my life and holds within it seeds of my future. Thank you all for your support.


  1. You are remarkable. Intelligent. Compassionate. Deliberately cautious with the dark out of respect for the truths it often brings that can be lost in reckless surrender to it. You are funny. Creative. Way wise. May your poetry, your storytelling, your hard won truths keep you grounded and the rest of us walking in the light. Gracias.

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    2. You are welcome, Alberto. Thank you for sharing such uplifting insights with me and for serving as a guide through some critical parts of my human journey.