I am wild in my faith and commitment.
No. Not to God.
It's been some time now since I've had the desire for religion's stories, not because I feel failed by them or because I lack a sense hope—as my childhood self naively believed of agnostics and atheists. Rather, I no longer want to place my faith in stories crafted by ancient men. It feels inauthentic to me.
My faith is instead in the process—by which I mean nature and its cycles, containing all humanity, the Earth, the universe and all that exists undiscovered beyond that. The process encompasses man's ideas of God and places them within the context of the development of civilizations. Then the process whittles away at the concept of civilization, slowly, in a way which requires an ocean of patience—withstanding a thousand shades of abuse, addiction, war, loss, triumph and joy.
I have faith that the process makes things all right in the end. That its purpose is to heal. And that people will never really understand how this works but shouldn't stop trying. Our quest to understand is a key element of the process itself.
To that end, I am wildly committed to myself. More specifically, I'm committed to moving with the process in the ways my intuition tells me are right and true, given the role I feel myself to play within each moment I'm alive. I'm wild for doing this with as much grace, dignity, passion and joy as I'm able—despite the adversity I sometimes face, much of which is due to the contradictions inherent in the way personal fidelity sometimes manifests itself through my endorsement of certain acts of infidelity and rebellion. I've always loved a good paradox.
With this post, I'm including a picture of me with my new (and first) tattoo. I intend to write more about this independent of my “She is Three” contribution. However, I feel it fits here too. For me, my tattoo, a semi-colon-inspired arrow, is an emblem of my personal faith and commitment:
- I believe in my aim.
- I believe in moving forward.
- I believe in timing--especially in pauses, which connect as much as separate.
- I believe my words will reach their target eventually.